Heal your past, Find your purpose, Live consciously, Self actualize

Author: Ying Page 1 of 2

2021回顾点名

写下一件今年发生的,你想永久记录下来的事情

在疫情一年多以后,在clubhouse上感受到,人与人之间的连接的力量。口述历史中,每个人说出自己角度的一点故事和记录,这些活生生的故事是可以打破精神桎梏的。人与人之间,还是能有很基本的互相关心,互相了解的。有那么短短的一个周末到一周,这个世界多了一个连接的窗口,直到clubhouse也被禁止。也意识到世界上有非常不一样的连接方式,可以很随意地开始一个聚会,像流水席,人们自由地连接又自由地离去。

整整两年过去了,疫情仍在继续。相比起两年前,疫情如何改变了你的生活?你认为还能恢复原状吗?

少听了很多现场音乐,少看了很多音乐剧,少了很多去蹦迪的机会,少了很多出去玩的机会。但这一年打了疫苗以后还是比去年活动丰富了一些:还是有去Virginia Beach,家人们能来dc跟我们一起度过美国国庆日,能够跟家人一起过感恩节,有两年未见的朋友来dc看望我,也开始一些简单的徒步。面对困境的心态还是强了不少,面对现在新增一百万,也只是买买口罩,不会非常焦虑了。我不认为疫情之后会恢复疫情之前的世界,美国两派意见相左在疫情之中愈加明显,某一些地方可能也不会放弃疫情中更为集中的权力。疫情之中,也有很多人选择开始冥想开始疗愈自己,这些个人的努力可能也会变成改变世界的力量。可能在新世界里,我需要做的是带着恐惧但继续生活,希望2022年能在可能的情况下听更多现场音乐,看更多音乐剧,去更多地方玩。

2021年,你(终于)在哪些地方躺平了?

在早起这个领域躺平了,因为在家远程工作加上公司大部分人都在西海岸,发现不早起也没有什么特别大的问题。我也有读一点点power of when,不是早起的类型就不强求了。更重要的是在精力充沛的时候,用番茄钟集中注意工作,以及在精力充沛的时候尽量少受情绪和外界干扰。但2022年希望能9点半以前起来

意识到自己读书的注意力有所下降,那就听书,听podcast(快速发掘新领域/新书)加上看youtube也可以学到很多知识。

2021年,什么事情让你获得最深的意义感或给你最大的力量感?

玄学给我意义感吧,从6月找人看了我的星盘,确实解答了我对于自己的一些非常固有的习性的疑惑。像及时雨一样的星盘解读,加上夏天有每天坚持写morning pages,跟自己的intuition也连接得更紧密。也正好碰上了行进中的太阳转到我出生星盘中的10宫事业宫,触发了我出生星盘的天王星,就是革新的能量。这几点同时出现,整个夏天,动力足能量也足,事情推进的速度特别快。开始学习星盘解读星盘,重启了播客,也开始重新找工作,也开始尝试coaching他人。今年一共看了35个星盘,也有很多时候星盘能够安慰和解惑到他人。一开始有比较顺利的找到一些播客的嘉宾,从他们身上也有学到很多自我探索的方式。找工作的面试准备也是,这个以往不太自信的领域,能快速找到有用的知识,不再过多怀疑自己。也开始用visualization,来帮助自己准备面试。

整个夏天都有宇宙推着我往前走的感觉,星盘解读也没有刻意地去找受众群,但宇宙一直就没有断过这条线,也通过玄学找到了一些朋友。这些都给我非常强大的力量感,也让我对于未知有更深地敬畏。

2021年,你经历的一场告别或一次相遇?

四次相遇:开始徒步,跟植物的相遇;跟现在工作的公司,和同事们的相遇,能找到自己觉得有意义的工作,可以将冥想和正念介绍给更多人。加上还有有趣有爱的同事,真的非常幸运;有跟她乡姐妹们面姬,互相欣赏有爱的气氛,也太容易交朋友了; 在长毛象上放飞自己,开始跟一些象友交换礼物,长毛象是我的快乐老家。

一次告别:家属爸爸在圣诞前夕,心脏病突发意外去世了。我们得知消息的时候,刚刚降落在德州,要转机去哥斯达黎加,决定取消旅行飞回俄亥俄。在德州停留了一晚上,家属还经历了anxiety attack,我有用自己知道的呼吸技巧和动态冥想,帮助他平静下来。整个一周多,是家人突然离世的悲伤,加上担心家属的心理状态,加上葬礼的诸多事宜,加上我的奶奶也是9年前十二月底车祸去世的,很多时候都觉得自己已经到了可以承受的极限。这个过程中,有帮助到我的是,每天的冥想,呼吸冥想动态冥想tonglen冥想,加上每天有看一点点Resilient Grieving,和可以跟好友倾诉,还有葬礼上牧师的发言。现在也能重新开始工作,即使知道可能自己注意力没有理想状态中那么集中,但是还是去尝试看看。虽然接下来几个月可能还是会有起起伏伏,但是我对于自己的力量多了很多信心。我能够消化这些困难的事情,我能够在这个过程中学习到新东西,我能够依靠冥想还有我的好友们,我也能够在这个过程中帮助到别人。

相比去年,你与身体的关系发生了什么变化?

虽然今年没有去健身房很多,但是还是对自己的身体印象有比较稳定的认知。即使对身体印象有极少波动的时候,也不会出现过度饮食的状态。十月以后,有在工作中,有时候能够记起自己有一个身体,感受自己身体的感受。但能记起自己身体的时候还是比较少,这是2022希望有进展的一个点。

跟我们分享你在2021年相遇的一本好书、一部好电影或一首好歌。

好书:Resilient Grieving (好课程 the power of awareness)

好的影视:Greenleaf, Minari, A Spy Gone North, The Rescue, The Pharmacist,隐士

一首好歌:https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=SW6L_lTrIFg 喜欢这样的阳光和大家在一个屋檐下唱歌

用一张照片分享2021年对你有重大意义的的时刻。

如果不是对徒步感兴趣,一定不会看到这样的景色。First Landing Park.

三月开始尝试美食摄影/博客,虽然后来并没有把这个作为真正的职业方展方向。但有学习从简单的面包开始做一点点往上加难度和技巧,不是急于求成。学到了很多自然光,手动对焦的知识。只要去尝试去创作,就是会有成长的,即使这可能不是最终的方向,毕竟谁能想到我自己在家能做出好吃的bagel。

请填空:2021,___ matters!

2021, exploring matters!

2022结束的时候,怎么样才算是过好了一年?

live my truth, help people along the way, be in my body more, do more things just for fun, follow the urgency to share my photos, cooking, writing and what I learned, less reactive (by writing morning pages, daily meditation, frequent body scan)

Ep8:求知欲和自我觉察力推动的人生


Heads up: this episode is an interview in Mandarin with my friend, Shiliu. She studied psychology and neuroscience in the U.S and now she is working as a data scientist in Tokyo, Japan.

这期节目请到了,我在穿堂风堂主的100天打卡群里认识的十六。十六之前每天都在发b站视频,话题是我很感兴趣的人生理念等等,所以我就邀请了十六来录这期播客。十六之前在美国念了心理和神经科学,现在却在日本东京做data scientist。我们聊了这个转行换国家的过程,她的很多自我探索的方法,现在在探索的一些话题和方向。以及她的父亲中年转行对她的影响,和成为一个母亲对她的自我探索的影响。从十六这里学到了特别多的方法,但更重要的是获得了清醒面对生活和无论什么时候都可以勇敢地选择自己想做的事情的力量。

Show Notes:

01:47 选择去美国的考虑过程和在美国的求学经历
04:57 为什么从心理转到neuroscience,为什么又从neurosceince转到了data science,从美国去了日本
13:45 在找工作的过程中学日语,快速试错
14:29 分享自我探索和成长的方法,第一个是快速迭代试错
14:59 方法二写日记,写对自己情绪和想法的insight,也可以用过去的自己鼓励现在的自己
17:34 方法三跟有insight的朋友聊天、录播客聊一聊心里面的烦恼和探索
18:37 方法四按照ABC理论分析:A是不利事件,B是我们的belief,C是consequence。
20:30 如何消化快速迭代试错的打击:调整对自己的期待,明确自己做这件事情的价值(不一定是要外在看上去的成功)
21:25 方法五看书,收集让自己为之一振的句子,常常读来巩固自己的人生理念
22:01 方法六看给予人勇气、符合人生理念的电影
22:58 方法七play the wild card,天马行空的探索,没有尝试过的事情就去试一试
23:49 天马行空的探索之一:做B站视频。拒绝正确模板式的人生,活出自己的人生。把自己学会的东西跟大家讲,加速学习的过程
26:45 最近的探索之二:跟自然、宇宙、科学发展有关系的话题
29:43 最近的探索之三:想要开设关于提高自我认同感的课程:你活在这个世界上的价值是圆满的,起点就是一百分,而不是负一百分
31:08 父亲作为一个心理老师的影响,小于看到他选择人到中年换跑道,勇敢地尝试新的职业的影响。
36:37 生小孩对自我探索的影响:会更加珍惜时间,会接触到一些以前完全不感兴趣的话题和学科,可以完整观察一个人类幼崽的成长过程。
38:31 跟另一个生命的深度连接会更能体会到生命的深度
41:34 对小孩的好的生活的期待:保持求知欲,可以跌倒又爬起来

All Platform Listening link: https://pod.link/asmallgathering/episode/d58f9cc51737f0c5559df9e9ccb7ee69

小宇宙收听连接 https://www.xiaoyuzhoufm.com/podcast/619aff519be3e0f25948ccf9?s=eyJ1IjogIjVlYjMyOWQ4OWM3MzVmOWNmNGY2Yzg4YiJ9

Ep7: 艺术家的务实人生

Heads up: this episode is an interview in Mandarin with my friend, Merlin. He graduated from Berklee College of Music and now works in Shanghai as music director for a gaming company.

这期节目请到了,我初中时候的好朋友Merlin。他高中就去了美国,大学进入了伯克利音乐学院,学music productioin。现在在上海的一个游戏公司,做music director。这次的促膝长谈,让我意外地发现:他作为一个,搞艺术的,有非常务实和理性的一面,对自己的要求也很高。Merlin也分享了很多实用的方法:如何调整自己的心态,如何对自己有清晰的认知,如何探索自我等等。

Show Notes:

1:30 为什么选择做音乐类型的工作?

3:50 进入伯克利音乐学院之后,群英荟萃,怎么调整自己的心态?

4:25 毕业之后的就业过程是怎么样的?从自己做到广告公司在进入游戏,从乙方到甲方的考虑?

9:43 声音在游戏里起到什么样的作用?音乐和音效有什么不一样的作用?

13:00 自我探索的方式:要认清自己的目标,找到自己喜欢的事情,判断自己在哪里,定计划表,在可行的范围内努力。

14:08 如何定义自己可行的范围

16:35 长远的目标有什么?对技术和代码的学习

18:09 解决问题的快感,与创作的快乐不同在哪里?

18:49 怎么样才能找到自己喜欢做的事情?如何同时考虑现实?

20:24 怎么样才能对自己开始有清晰的认知?身边人的反馈多大程度上有用?

22:25 自己的努力多大程度是内卷,多大程度是自己对自己的要求?

26:26 在钱和创作中要做一个平衡,你会怎么选择?

28:28 给自己的title是什么?

Ep6: 代码灵修元体验|当我们在讨论如何探索人生

所有平台收听链接 pod.link/asmallgathering

A heads up: this episode is an interview recorded in Mandarin, a bit different from my previous episodes.

From studying in Canada, to going back to China to work in Beijing, to being a digital nomad in Southeast Asia, then coming back to Vancouver to work, my guest shared with me what methods have worked her to find her path: exploring new skills and new paths, reflecting back to childhood, and spiritual exploration.

人生探索到底会从什么时候开始,探索的意义到底又是什么?
这集的嘉宾棍老师分享了自己有趣的人生经历,从加拿大读书到硅谷工作,到回北京996,东南亚作数字游民,现在又回到了加拿大。这个过程中棍老师做了非常多的对外探索,对内反思。棍老师这个过程中收获的是什么,ta总结出来的探索方式有哪些,现在想要的是什么呢?

2:25 自我探索是一个自然的过程,会有不同的契机让你开始探索

6:41 在北京的reverse culture shock和reality check,但也有认识有趣的朋友

11:25 数字游民的缘起和体验

14:50 遇到喜欢佛学的老板,开始探索佛学灵修,《正见》

16:15 这段时间是existential crisis吗?怎么度过?

17:50 如果不能换城市换工作,还有什么自我探索的方式?将自己从日常生活中抽离出来

20:39 另一种自我探索的方式,元体验,《大師熱愛的工作》

24:40 现在探索的棍老师感兴趣的点,代码作为看世界的方式和创作工具

31:10 不断去尝试跟这件事情发生链接,有一天会click

32:03 对于灵修会持续感兴趣,需要持续的探索和修正自己走的路

33:38 如何认知人生的迷茫,棍老师对于人生的愿景,想明白自己想做什么,每天真心的快乐

35:17 棍老师的快乐包括什么?如何找自己的快乐?

37:46 棍老师对于工作的期待?帮助的性质和有影响力,思考如何与商业平衡

提到的书籍:

《正见》宗萨蒋扬钦哲仁波切

播客里提到的乐业其实是这本书,《大師熱愛的工作》川村元氣

欢迎大家收听这期节目,欢迎讨论和反馈,请订阅‘小型聚会’。

谢谢棍老师非常真实的分享!

Bread Making, Preferments and More

我发现面包里的一些中文术语,一开始我跟英文对不上。现在终于搞清楚了,总结一下分享给大家。

间接法 using preferments

preferments一般用总面团20-30%的面粉,就是一个单独制作的小面团,先让这个小面团发酵,再把它加入主面团。

preferment包含两大类,一类是纯天然酵母,一类是使用普通商业酵母。

纯天然酵母preferment:sourdough酸面团,levain鲁邦种

使用商业酵母的preferment(这类是家庭做面包更常使用的)

1. Poolish 波兰种,液种

100% 面 : 100% 水 : 0.25% 酵母

室温发酵,15-18小时。

用来制作比较硬的面团,比如法棍,country loaves,crusty breads

2. Biga 毕格种,中种*

100% 面 : 55% 水 : 0.25% 酵母

室温发酵,15-18小时

多用作意大利面包,Ciabatta,Focaccia和其他意大利面包。

因为是比较硬的preferment,多用于制作高水量的面团。

*我还是不是非常确定中种是不是Biga,看了一些比较专业的博主是这么归类的,他们制作的种过年种功能面团也确实更符合这个水面酵母比。但是知乎上有一些文章,把中种说是sponge,但是明显酵母比和发酵时间都对不上。中种面团也可以用到70-100%总面团的面粉,多是冷藏发酵。

3. Pâte Fermentée 法国老面

100% 面 : 60% 水 : 1% 酵母, plus 2% 盐 (唯一一个含盐的种)

室温发酵4-6小时

也可以先发4小时,再冷藏过夜。

什么面团都很合适,尤其适合常常做的面包,可以自己留一块老面。

4. Sponge 海绵种

100% 面 : 60% 水 : 1% 酵母

发半小时到一个半小时,发完就马上用。

适合用于加了蛋奶的enriched面团,甜面团,和无需更多组织的面团比如bagel

Food 52 Preferments 有很多如何转换方子的公式 https://food52.com/blog/17140-preferments-and-how-to-adapt-any-bread-recipe-to-use-one

直接法 not using preferments

1. Tangzhong 汤种法,烫种法

请注意,汤种法不是液种/波兰种(这个翻译太像了)

先将一小部分面粉和液体加热成糊,再加入主面团材料里。(虽然它叫种,但是它没有酵母,所以还是直接法)

这样做可以使得面团吸收更多水份,发得更高,非常松软湿润,更长时间保持口感。

https://www.kingarthurbaking.com/blog/2018/03/26/introduction-to-tangzhong

2. 水合法 Autolyse

将面团里的面粉和液体(包括牛奶,水,蛋液,奶油等等)混合,静置20-60分钟,但也可以冷藏静置更久。水合结束完,再加入盐酵母等等其他材料。

水合的过程中,面粉已经开始产生筋性,可减少揉面时间,更容易塑形。

尤其适合做全麦面包,能保证全麦面粉完全湿润。

水合绝对不可以加的材料是酵母和黄油,会阻碍面筋的组成。

https://www.kingarthurbaking.com/blog/2017/09/29/using-the-autolyse-method

水合,烫种都可以跟preferment结合,一起制作面包。

介绍两个我觉得讲的很清楚的老师

小一点的厨房讲的关于中种 https://youtu.be/DdsgYn2IgA4

米老师讲的关于水合 https://m.dealmoon.com/guide/944768

Engage in the society in a mindful way

“It did not really matter what we expected from life, but rather what life expected from us. We needed to stop asking about the meaning of life, and instead think of ourselves as those who were being questioned by life—daily and hourly. Our answer must consist, not in talk and meditation, but in right action and in right conduct. Life ultimately means taking the responsibility to find the right answer to its problems and to fulfill the tasks which it constantly sets for each individual.” 

― Viktor E. Frankl, Man’s Search for Meaning

我很清楚自己在昨天被所看到的新闻改变了,昨晚今早都在想同一个问题:我如何打破以往对于新闻关注的循环。以往是两周陷入新闻里,现实生活照顾不好,两周以后burn out,我再将眼睛调开不再去看。

如同Victor Frank说的一样,我想昨日的新闻,或许是what life expected from我们这一代人collectively. Our answer must consist, not in talk and meditation, but in right action and right conduct。

然而交出答卷的时间线可能会拉得很长很长,在这漫长的岁月里,我们要如何能做到关注新闻,做力所能及的参与却不完全burn out。我们要如何确保till we meet again的时候,我们不是仅仅剩下一个空壳,内里只有愤怒和苦楚。

这是我之前国会山暴乱之后搜寻的一些资料和自己的一些想法,主要是为了给自己一个简要的起始指南。也分享给大家,请勿转出长毛象。

1. 每个人都必须要去面对这个现实,没有一个人有完整的答案,我们每个人都有拼图的一小部分。我能贡献的是什么呢,最后我的切入点是从自己的character strengths里找到的,spirituality。我也非常期待看到,大家运用自己的长处。

2. Taking a sit is taking a stand。在这个漫长的参与过程中,self care是保持内心平和的重要方式。一些我自己的self care:每天早上冥想45分钟,写三页morning page(很好的自我宣泄但又不会给任何人带来痛苦)情绪上来的话,用shaking & dancing发泄出去。需要练习的是,在危机出现的时候,及时回到自己的身体里,做grounding exercise,与朋友一起观察,我们的情绪出现在身体的何处,按时吃饭睡觉健身。

头两点的来源

National Trauma–Now What? | Jon Kabat-Zinn Special  https://www.happyscribe.com/public/ten-percent-happier-with-dan-harris/313-national-trauma-now-what-jon-kabat-zinn-special-edition

A Wise and Counterintuitive Way to Meditate in a Crisis | Lama Rod Owens https://www.happyscribe.com/public/ten-percent-happier-with-dan-harris/314-a-wise-and-counterintuitive-way-to-meditate-in-a-crisis-lama-rod-owens

3. Engaged Buddhism 入世佛教的14条准则

新版更详细 https://plumvillage.org/mindfulness-practice/the-14-mindfulness-trainings/

旧版更简约 https://www.thewayofmeditation.com.au/14-principles-engaged-buddhism

principle 2 “Do not think the knowledge you presently possess is changeless, absolute truth. Avoid being narrow-minded and bound to present views”

说实话我这两年的社会观点改变了很多,我应该为以前自己怀疑过bbc的报道感到羞耻吗?我可能不这样想。我一时的想法不等同于我整个人,我的想法现在改变了。我就按照新的想法去生活去参与。我希望已经醒悟过来的大家,不要为以前的想法自苦。

principle 3 “Do not force others, including children, by any means whatsoever, to adopt your views, whether by authority, threat, money, propaganda, or even education. However, through compassionate dialogue, help others renounce fanaticism and narrowness”

如果我们醒悟过来的人,观点不完全一致,也是非常正常的。与其彼此指责想到的不够全面,或者做得不够多,也许我们应该更多地跟醒悟了50%的人去沟通。

这一点也与一个播客重叠 How to Call People In (Instead of Calling Them Out) | Loretta Ross https://www.happyscribe.com/public/ten-percent-happier-with-dan-harris/316-how-to-call-people-in-instead-of-calling-them-out-loretta-ross

principle 6 “Do not maintain anger or hatred. Learn to penetrate and transform them when they are still seeds in your consciousness. As soon as they arise, turn your attention to your breath in order to see and understand the nature of your hatred.”

这个可能是我觉得非常重要的一条吧,虽然愤怒会让我们意识到有什么是不对的。但实际去改变的时候,停留在愤怒里,还是转换到一个更mindful的状态,做出来的事情效果可能是不一样的。我相信是内在的平和是可以改变外在的,这一点上我还有想看的书:the inner work of social justice。

4. Buddhism & Social Change 佛教与社会改变

建立community 

分清楚compassion和empathy,empathy是让被别人的情绪分享进来,很容易产生burn out。compassion是一种更积极的情绪,希望对方的状态有所改变。这一点是有一个更具体的视频,我还没看完 https://youtu.be/FVpdon6YErY

Non attachment 要去做事,要去参与,但是不能期待一个一定的结果

Focus on the positive 不要看太多新闻,这是dwell on the beliefs and actions of the foolish。我们做事情是从愤怒状态出发,还是从爱与信心的角度出发

Focus on the goal 长远看来事情一定都是时时刻刻在改变的,没有完美的结局。但是我们的目标,是减少人们的苦痛,减少贪欲等等。

推荐这一个youtube频道,频道主有哲学博士,讲日常非宗教性佛教也是简明清晰。

5. Learned helpless myth 习得性无助的“谎言”

https://ppc.sas.upenn.edu/sites/default/files/learnedhelplessnessat50.pdf

“Passivity in response to shock is not learned. It is the default, unlearned response to prolonged aversive events and it is mediated by the serotonergic activity of the dorsal raphe nucleus, which in turn inhibits escape. This passivity can be overcome by learning control, with the activity of the medial prefrontal cortex, which subserves the detection of control leading to the automatic inhibition of the dorsal raphe nucleus.”

大家都很清楚习得性无助的实验吧,如果动物意识到自己做什么都没有用,结果不会改变,那这个认知会让它们放弃逃跑的行为。

然而50年后,当年发文的作者,又发了一篇paper,链接在上面,表示他们got it backwards。不逃跑,是对于长期负面事件的自然反应,而不是学到的。这个不逃跑,可以通过学习控制,来克服。

如果我们发现身边人对于社会是passive的,不要怪他们,这是正常的反应。相反我们应该,鼓励自己和他人的自主控制,从小事开始一点点参与,一点点建立agency。

6. How to read the news mindfully 如何mindfully读新闻

读新闻是,比起听新闻或者看新闻,来得要容易注意到身体里的情绪。

7. More materials:

The inner work of racial https://www.goodreads.com/book/show/44490676-the-inner-work-of-racial-justice

Plum Village, The Diamond Cutting Through Fear 也是social justice相关的Dharma Talk,我看了一半还没看完

52 weeks of Shabbat Project

What is Shabbat?

Shabbat is the day of rest. In the Torah/Old Testament, God created the world in six days and rested on the seventh day. Thus the seventh day becomes the day of rest, Shabbat. In Judaism, Shabbat is observed from Friday sunset to Saturday sunset. Different sects of Judaism and different individuals have their own rules to follow.

The most strict version of Shabbat rules stay the same in my understanding:

– no work (reading is allowed but not writing, cannot sign contracts)

– cannot start a fire (thus no cooking, no driving)

– no electricity (thus no phones, tv, internet, etc, you can leave the lights on just don’t touch the switch)

– spiritual time (going to synagogue for service, personal scripture reading time)

– rest (naps and walks are popular Shabbat activities)

– community time (big Shabbat meals with family and friends, cooking is done in advance and dishes are usually kept warm in the oven or heating plate)

In recent years, more Christians start to observe Shabbat in their own form. Their Shabbat usually happens on Sunday and still consists of spiritual time, family time, rest, a break from technology.

Interesting fact since sunset time changes through the year, Shabbat starts a lot earlier in winter due to daylight saving time compared to in summer.

The sabbatical is of course related to the word, Shabbat.

Why do I want to observe Shabbat?

As a highly sensitive person (HSP), I realized last year the exhaustion from overstimulation is very real. 2020 had never ending news and I was drained after each week.

Elaine Aron, who is the pioneer of researching HSP, suggests hsp taking at least 2 hours each day and one full day each week to rest (no chores, no technology). The time is used to let our brain process information, get general rest, and replenish for the new day and week. Honestly, I suck at staying away from my phone at the end of the day. I still need to implement my rest somehow, so weekly Shabbat seems to be a good solution.

I want a pause in my week, a time I can just be in the present without worrying about keeping up with the world(I am aware that is a privilege), a time I can reflect and rest, a time I can be with my family fully, a time I firmly choose to stay away from technology and its endless stimulation.

Last year I have tried out a smaller version of Shabbat. Just by not doing my daily reading for a day, I felt much more rejuvenated after the weekend and more productive during the week.

This year I want to test out if a more full-fledged Shabbat can make me more rested and peaceful.

How will I observe Shabbat?

Most likely I will observe my Shabbat on Sunday, starting from the half-day. I want to work on increasing it to a full day. I want to use Shabbat as an incentive for me to clean more on Saturday as part of Shabbat prepping.

I will still use technology to read for fun but try my best to stay away from the internet. I will allow myself to cook and journal. I am going to avoid chores such as cleaning and grocery. I will encourage myself to meditate longer, to nap more, to take more walks.

Weekly Update

I will try my best to document what happened each week on my Shabbat. Following my journey by revisiting this post periodically.

Jan. 9th, 2021

My 1st Shabbat happened on a Saturday afternoon. I used hours looking through my cookbooks for easy recipes to cook for the next few weeks. I did not rush myself and fully enjoyed the experience. I then talked to my partner and we took hour-long naps.

How to Rebalance Yourself

So you are upset or anxious, or overexcited, now what? Here are your potential options to rebalance your emotions.

Generally, we have 3 options while dealing with our emotions: option 1 turn towards our emotions, option 2 turn away from our emotions, option 3 express our emotions.

Option 1: Turn towards our emotions

1A: Work through our emotions with emotion comforting

This is what I am most familiar with. I expect myself or someone else to comfort me: saying kind words, letting me know everything is going to be okay, echoing my opinions. It works sometimes, but other times my ego gets in the way. My ego will tell endless stories and interpretations of the situation. This option usually takes solid half an hour or even longer and usually involves a lot of crying.

1B: Work though our emotions using logic

This is analyzing your way out of the situation. Maybe self-correcting some thinking traps. Proposing alternative understanding and solutions.
There is nothing wrong with it, but it does not work on me when I, a highly sensitive person, am in full emotional tsunami mode. I usually use this option after I have calmed down to notice what might have triggered me this time.

1C: work through our emotions using body calming techniques

This is the whole reason why I want to write this post.
When we are off balance emotionally, we perceive whatever situation we are in as a real threat. We are in full-on fight or flight mode, that is potentially why emotional comforting and logic might not work.
Calm our body down can let the brain and nerve systems know, okay we are safe. Then it’s much easier for our logic and emotion to bridge again.

Some ways to calm our body down:
2:1 breathing
Exhale twice as long as we inhale. This is one simple exercise we can do to almost immediately calm our nerve system. Long exhale was only reserved for our ancestors who successfully escaped danger, thus it sends signals to our body: we are safe.

A great 2:1 breathing resource https://youtu.be/Lysn2Zoio8Y

Shaking & Dancing
Shake all the excess energy and cortisol out. This approach has long been used by shamanic traditions. In modern days, somatic healing of trauma also has adopted this practice. If you have seen animals in the wild, after they have been chased by predators, they shake in their safe place. That is how they rebalance. Thus shaking & dancing can help us rebalance too.

Additional resource on shaking and dancing https://cmbm.org/thetransformation/resources/

Exercise and taking a bath also work great as ways to calm down our nerves and rebalance ourselves.

1d: work through our emotions using inner body

I just re-listened to the chapter on the inner body from ‘The Power of Now’ by Eckart Tole.
He stated that when we are facing a trigger, before our mind can go on to project all emotions and stories, turn all our consciousness into our inner body. This way we can reconnect with the peacefulness of the present moment.
I tested it out this morning while checking my canker sore. I tend to over-worry about every little body symptoms I have. I go on and on googling about possible diseases and always wind up thinking: oh what if this is cancer.
This morning I remembered Eckart Tole’s advice. I took a deep breath. Pay attention to my hand, then my entire upper body, then my abdomen, then my lower body. That is how you sense your inner body.
Magically all anxious thoughts disappeared. Maybe it is true that the mind and ego cannot exist in the present moment. By tuning into our inner body and the present moment, we short circuit all the crazy stories our minds could have told us.

Option 2: Turn away from our emotions.
This is when we use shows, games, shopping, and other entertainment to get away from our emotions a bit. There is nothing wrong with it as long as we are aware of what we are doing. Sometimes it is even necessary to move away from our emotions after we have fully explored them.
Unfortunately, this option does not work for me usually. Even with a short escape from my emotions, they come back tenfold.

Option 3: Express our emotions
Finally, we can always express our emotions to ourselves with journaling or express our emotions to other people. Calling for help is a natural build in response to threat and danger.
The key here is I am my emotional first responder. If I start to expect others to fill that role for me, I tend to get more upset if external help is not available immediately.
Meditation is a great container to let our emotions out in a safe way.

Hopefully, this blog post can help you rebalance. Remember it is okay to have bad days and we have lots of options and resources to face them.

100 day of meditation- what I learned

1. Detach from expectation

Maybe yesterday I had a great meditation day, but I would not expect the same today. Every day is different. My mood and energy fluctuate a lot every day and that is okay. Stop the expectation game.  give yourself more chance to mingle with reality. In the end, any kind of meditation day is okay.

2. Have a go-to meditation when you absolutely do not feel like meditating

For me, it is a 5-minute box breathing. No matter how tired or uninspired I am, I can always do a 5-minute box breathing. Then sometimes magic happens like what the ‘2-minute rule’ states. I planned to only do the box breathing, ended up doing unguided meditation for 15 minutes after that.

3. Figure out your own meditation time

Just because every meditation teacher says you need to meditate upon waking up, does not mean you need to do it. Of course, give it a try, but ultimately give yourself the liberty to find out what works for you. A little hint is when you have your brain fog the most. You know that feeling, when you are tired, a little more irritated than usual, you know you need to take care of something but you are just sitting on the sofa. For me, this brain frog always happens in the late afternoon. That is when I meditate and it helps me to recoup some energy and freshness to go into the night.

4. Try exploring different kinds of meditations, then mix and match.

There are 3 big types of meditations: mindfulness meditation, concentrative mediation, and expressive meditation. ‘The Transformation’ by James Gordon is a great read on this topic.

If I need to release a lot of emotions, I always turn to expressive meditation first (shaking and dancing) then I might transition into unguided mindfulness meditation.

Recently I started to do a 5-minute concentrative meditation first before I do my unguided meditation. It helps me to quiet my mind and better enter the mindful place.

It is a lot of fun for me to figure out what mix & match I need today to bring me back to balance.

5. You can be your own emotional first responder

With meditation, I learn to be my own emotional first responder. I never dreamed it could happen. When sh*t hits the fan, I always cry myself into exhaustion and/or ask for emotional support from my friends and partner. Now I always have a safe place (meditation) and a safe person (myself or my higher self or my inner wise guide) to turn to when I am upset. The good news is that this safe place and safe person are always with me. Knowing I can face my emotions alone in a safe setting gives me so much strength and comfort.

6. My emotions are valid but they do not have to control me or guide my life.

Being with my (strong) emotions in the safe setting of meditation for me is a way to honor my emotions, to tell them yes I see you, yes you are valid, yes you can feel that way. After this validation process, usually, the emotions start to fade and my logic starts to emerge again. Then I am in a more balanced state to decide what to say or what not to say, what to do or what not to do. 

7. Transcending the good day/bad day binary thinking

Figuring out how to meditate every day has unexpectedly help me to transcend the good day/bad day binary thinking. Now on a bad stretch of the day, I still encourage myself ‘do not give up on today just yet’. Maybe all I need is a little nap or mediation, then I am all rejuvenated again to face the next stretch. Maybe there are not inherently bad days, maybe I just need to figure out how to bring myself back to balance from moment to moment.

8. 100-day project works

For me, it feels like going to a specific playground. I go there every day and naturally I discover how it is different today. I think about playing there a lot so I naturally receive new ideas on what to explore next. 

三个思维模型:乐观幸福韧性

面对变局,面对未知,我们应该怎么面对呢?分享3个从积极心理学里,学到的思维模型:乐观,幸福,韧性。

乐观/Optimism

乐观的思维,主要体现在人如何认知问题上。认为问题是暂时的 temporary,局部的 local,我们可以去影响改变的,即为乐观。

我天生是一个比较悲观的人,今年常常问自己:这件事情是永久的吗,这件事情我真的完全不可改变吗,这件事情真的会影响到我所有的生活吗。

把乐观具像化,减少内耗,保存精力。

幸福/Happiness

这个是积极心理学之父Martin Seligman的模型 PERMA

Positive Emotion 正向情绪,包括快乐,感动,对自然的敬畏等等

Engagement 对当下所做的事情的沉浸

Relationship 人际关系

Meaning 意义

Accomplishment 成就

对于世界未知变动感到不安的时候,我主要依靠意义和人际关系。而我的正向情绪和沉浸度都会下降。这个时候我就用forest/番茄时钟,保持短时间的沉浸度。正向情绪的保底措施,是冥想健身和写gratitude journal。

不同时间段的挑战都不一样,会导致各个变量的起伏。适时复盘调整,才能拥有更平衡持久的幸福。

韧性/Resilience

Biology 生理

Self-Awareness 自我觉察

Self-Regulation 自我调节约束

Mental Agility 认知灵活,可以从不同方面看问题

Optimism 乐观

Self-Efficacy/Mastery 自我成就

Connection 联结(与人,与神,与自然)

Positive Institution 好的机构

8个变量里完全受我们控制的是self-awareness, self-regulation, mental agility, self-efficacy。这几个变量,冥想/mindfulness都可以帮助我们练习。

Biology和Optimism,都有一定的先天决定的程度,但是后天是可以改变的。

Connection和Positive Institution都是有他人,外界的影响了。

控制我们可以控制的四项,尽量cultivate其他的变量,尽人事听天命。

好今天的mental model就分享到这里,下次分享intrinsic motivation内在驱动和self efficacy自我成就。

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